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I have to write this out and express how I feel. It's not that I need more advice or judgment because I know I made the right decision for my future. I just feel so broken hearted and in shock. It's like I'm drowning and nobody can save me but myself. I've kept this part of my life hidden from others. I cannot openly talk about it with friends because it's just too painful for me right now.
The first week after I left him was sweet freedom and I unknowingly buried my true feelings. Now its reality and I feel like an important part of me is gone forever. It's just me instead of "us".
Lately I’ve been weak and very close to taking him back in my life. It would be so easy just to start back where we left off because he is so wonderful to me. I truly love him more than anything in this world.
Please don't think I left him because he is a monster or at fault. He just loves me and doesn't want to let me go or out of his sight for even a minute. He can't accept my decision to end our engagement and feels with time he can change my mind. I broke his heart when I told him I couldn't marry him and used my family as my entire excuse. Oh God, I'm such a coward and a terrible liar. I just couldn't break his heart by telling him the entire truth: that I don't want this way of life permanently with him in Kuwait.
I can't be expected to give up everything in the USA and stay here forever. I mentioned giving birth to our future babies in the USA where we have the best hospitals in the world. He panicked like I’m going to run away with his newborn and join a Christian cult. What is so wrong with wanting Christian babies because that is my belief? I have nothing against his religion but it's not fair that I am the one giving up this important part of me.
His career and family is also more important than mine so leaving Kuwait is out of the question. He won’t even discuss other possibilities. I'm too young, selfish and stubborn to make such a life changing decision. What about my parents when they are old? It's not fair to leave their care to my siblings while I'm thousands of miles away. How can I justify my children seeing their Grandparents only once or twice a year?
There are just too many things that I would have to sacrifice and with him it's very little. His entire immediate family has embraced me which is nothing short of a miracle. I would love to stay friends with everyone but so far it's not working except for his parents. He is beyond devastated and believes we will end up together because we love each other too much.
This is so damn hard but I am almost sure I've done the right thing for me. I already waited too late and should have never accepted his proposal. He can’t accept it. I’ve even thought that I should quit my job and leave Kuwait. Maybe I just need to put some distance between us. The only problem is that I still would be changing everything for him.
I like my job, life, friends and living in Kuwait. I also know that no matter where I go he will follow me. He made that very clear. That is if I can even leave because he told me several times out of anger to not even think about leaving Kuwait. He said he can ban me from doing so.
I just wanted to write my thoughts out. I feel like I’m drowning and even chocolate and trashy US Reality TV isn’t helping me to feel any better. I will probably delete this post when I wake up tomorrow. Just please pray for me that I stay strong and avoid being sucked back in. I want to save myself before it’s too late.
Sometimes u drown and drown and can't do anything about it, but I see u did.. Although it hurts at least u took a decision and an act unlike many other weak women.. Ur strong, really u r, U'll pass this.. It's much better than deceiving yourself and staying longer in a relation u know it's gona fail although there is so much love.. From experience U don't wana stay friends to anyone related that would remind u of the relationship .. XOXO
ReplyDeleteHi :) Thanks for your support. I hope I'm strong enough to make it. He isn't giving up easily.
DeleteBreaking up with him was difficult enough but I know his Mother will never accept it. I can't write why (too personal) but she is so good to me. :) I couldn't get rid of her even if I tried. Which makes this even more difficult. :(
Sweetie, there's always going to be "her" version of the story, "his" version of the story, and the truth...but In the end, hearts are broken :( I feel for you and him!
ReplyDeleteBut it's much better to clear things now,talk/fight over it, hopefully get over it and move on, or amicably part ways, rather than getting married, and realise u're in deep shiz...Once u've sorted everything with him, Take a mini vacation..go out of kuwait...clear ur mind a bit..and rebuild ur life again :) When you feel at peace inside, u'll know what to do next..and tho it may not look like it right now, things will get better for both of you :)
Getting away for the weekend is exactly what I needed. :) Thank you for your comment.
DeleteI know u think since they r very very nice u need such wonderful people in your life and it won't harm.. But they make a connection that won't ever allow u to move on in your life (even if they never talk about him)! Been there and for 3 yrs till I decided it was enough and cut the connection with his supper sweet supporting brother I finally was able to let love in.. Best of luck ;**
ReplyDeleteHi F! I'm glad you are happy and in love again. :)
DeleteBan you from leaving Kuwait!! whatever not being rude but thats like blackmail and a bunch of lies mixed in one =/ he can't ban you from leaving unless you've committed a crime! just stupid threats\outrageous things some Kuwaiti men say to get themselves anywhere to the point there's a special hotline for girls that get blackmailed in Kuwait am not saying hes a monster i don't know him but he should give you your space if you wanted a break then he should let you go off to the US,,Hun if it's ment to be it will work itself out! being friends is 50%-50% it could hurt you or it might help you both realize that you can't live without each other and learn from problems or mistakes you did in the past and mend things..But honestly there's things in this relationship that can't be fixed like religion or life changes and that's your decision to accept or decline,,am also concerned with the fact he didn't like the idea of you giving birth abroad what about trust? i don't really know him or you..but don't act on guilt at this moment your suffering you need to get out of the house and keep yourself busy with a new hobby or a trip somewhere,,i know no matter what anyone says you'll be in a bubble of emotion but shutting yourself off from everybody isn't gong to help,,i hope things work out for the best with whatever decision you make
ReplyDeleteHe said it out of pain and anger. I haven't done anything wrong or against the law but his family is the ____ family and they are powerful. They take wasta to a different level. Thankfully his immediate family is very good to me.
DeleteI did take everyone's advice and got out of the house. Luckily my friends have spoiled me all weekend. :)
I really appreciate your comment and support.
It's good that you realized what you wanted before you got married. Having to live in this country forever for some people would be a nightmare. It's 2 completely different worlds Kuwait/USA. It would be very hard to leave your family and stay here. Thank God I have my mom and sis here or I couldn't handle it. Unfortunately I do believe he will follow you. I know, I've been through it and it can get scary. I just hope he can focus on his job and family and try to get over you but it will be very hard. Once time passes be prepared to someday run into him as Kuwait is so small. I hate to see it taking it's toll on you but every day is a new day with new adventures. Good Luck!!
ReplyDeleteHey Crazy :) You are very lucky to have your Mother and Sister in Kuwait with you. I'm doing much better and feeling stronger everyday. Happy Easter and thank you for your sweet comment.
DeleteI'm sorry for your lost and pain, but for my opinion this is not true love. True love is when u cant leave and sacrifices everything..good luck
ReplyDeleteWell, it is still love whether true or not. Just please remember he wasn't sacrificing much but I would have had to give up family, religion and legal alcohol! :P
DeleteEnding a relationship is never easy regardless of the reasons. The most horribly abused women/men remain in bad relationships because it's a comfort zone, patterns and behaviors set in. Not saying your relationship was abusive, but for only one person to be willing to make any changes and the other not bending at all is a serious sign of control issues -- which can easily lead into even more problems.
ReplyDeleteAt least you recognize some of the major obstacles now. It's very important to share common bonds which are part of the core of what defines you. It's also very important to have a clear understanding of where you're going to live, how you're going to both see family/friends, and especially how you're going to raise your children... and where. It's very important you both have a strong combination of both East and West. You have to love and respect one another's cultures and homes equally. You both have to be willing to work out a schedule of where you'll live full-time and part-time -- and stick to it.
Words are very empty. And without actions as evidence before a marriage, I think you're making the right decision.
Thank you American Girl! Your support and opinion means so much to me. :)
Deleteyou'll always have paris (or was it geneva/vienna?).....
ReplyDelete(it might have worked with joint counseling - seriously - from reading your blog, it's obvious both of you are quite young and didn't necessarily act from matured reason, but hey, you were in 'love' and we enjoyed reading your blog)
LOL! Yes, we did take some amazing trips together but I am addicted to travel. I actually traveled more before we met and will do much more (especially on weekends) now that I am single. :)
DeleteHopefully no travel ban. ;)
I agree with American Girl - planning your marriage is vitally important before even thinking of planning your wedding. All the issues you talked about in your post are so important - essentially, how to combine your two countries and cultures in your future family. If he can't or won't even compromise, that's scary. I'm proud that you were strong enough to break it off when you realized it wasn't what you wanted.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with a few other commenters that a brief trip away is probably just what you need...go home for a bit, or just get away somewhere that you can clear your head and not be constantly reminded of him. Turn off your phone and stay off the computer and figure out what you really want and what you can and can't accept.
Ending relationships are hard, especially when you're in love with the other person. It can be hard to believe there's any other person out there that could make you as happy, but I promise there is! Be strong, we're all pulling for you!
THANK YOU sweetie. I appreciate your words of encouragement. It took me some time to even be able to reread this post and respond to comments. I'm feeling much better and away enjoying my Easter weekend.
DeleteSomeone once said something to me after my own really bad break up which really helped. It was that unless immature and childish, most people break up for really valid reasons. The period post a split is extremely taxing - emotionally, physically and mentally - and we must guard against giving in to the predominant emotion of returning to the relationship (which has become a comfort zone and a known devil feels better than an unknown / the future) just because it is easy and more importantly, because NONE OF THE REASONS BEHIND THE BREAKUP have changed. Eventually, this is just a path to flogging a dead horse.
ReplyDeleteI had to repeat that to myself like a mantra and today years later, I am so grateful for that advice. If you have all these concerns and nothing has changed, what would be the point of taking someone back? The truth remains that when married, his will in his own country will reign.So either make your peace with giving in all through or stay strong knowing you made the right decision for you.
I agree it helps if you don't keep in touch until you really can or not at all.
Thank you. :) He can't change the religion part or where we live. He can't even compromise so there was no point of me pretending that love was enough any longer. :(
DeleteHey expat..
ReplyDeleteFirst off, i really love your blog. Its honestly my favorite even though i would like more posts :P As a kuwaiti guy its really cool seeing life from your fingers blogging away :) i am not here to judge or give major advice since i am only 21 but from what ive seen on movies and my relationships is that its all about compromise and understanding. Yes, i agree he asked you to compromise everything which is A LOT in your point of view but as a kuwaiti guy thats the Kuwaiti way when it comes to international marriages. i have a ton of friends whos moms are german, mexican, american, and yes their moms do seem miserable in my eyes (no friends, no where to go) kinda like selling theirs souls. But the thing is that they sold it in return to spend their whole lives with the ones their meant to be with and that HUGE sacrifice for their husbands was worth it to them. I believe that everyone comes with a pair somewhere on earth. This is the person who would make this sacrifice worth it without hesiatation. Just maybe the Kuwaiti Mystery Guy isnt your pair but just a step relationship closer to the one.. I dunno if that makes sense but just do your thing please dont be sad enjoy the sun, and ICECREAM :O, do something else, time heals everything and sometimes its not meant to be, everything will be ok :) Goodluck
Dr. Bush (lol @ your name) Well, thank you for all the sweet things that you wrote. I'm honored that a Kuwaiti guy reads my very pink girly blog. You really made my day when I read your sweet comment. You are very mature for 21 and I hope you will continue to read this blog and comment. :) I will try my best to write more posts. :P
DeleteP.S. I'm enjoying the sun and ice cream now. :D
*before i offer my advise, please understand that I am not attacking, or criticizing you in anyway.
ReplyDeleteits pretty obvious you love your family and your american life more than you love mr. X
if you truly..and deeply love this guy, you would be able to leave everything behind you for him.
the bottomline, you say you love him more than anything else in the world, but its pretty obvious that is not the case.
the right thing would be to end it, cut all contact with him, get rid of everything that reminds you of him- i.e. car, gifts, favorite places etc.- until you get over him.
good luck.
7amood, loving someone doesn't mean sacrificing for them -- it means compromising for them. Something it seems he's not willing to do. Who isn't displaying a true level of love?
Delete7amood ~ Thank you for your comment. I think American Girl had the perfect response and I couldn't answer any better than she did. I know in my heart that I loved him the best I could. I still love him but without any willingness to compromise on his part I had to let him go.
DeleteIf you are so sure that your decision was right, then its only a matter of time till you decide on what you really wanna do and move on with your life. Good luck with whatever you decide on doing, its not easy i know, but you just hang in there :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Moody! Love ya...:*
DeleteStay strong and it's going to hurt really bad-- you're going to feel like, ... "Why? He's so perfect but........" Well, you already have the answer -- marriage should be with "forever" in mind and if there are already issues, priorities and values that are in conflict-- both parties will not be happy in the end.
ReplyDeleteThis is the best decision for your future and for the future of your children--
He is right if he does not want to compromise on those issues and so are you -- just makes you both not compatible for marriage but wonderful girlfriend/boyfriend relationship.
Best of luck however this unfolds.......... life is full of surprises!
Thank you :D You are right. :)
DeleteThank you all for your comments. I will respond to each one soon when I have more free time. :* I am staying strong and moving forward.
ReplyDeleteThere"s life and death in every choice you make ! Always choose life.If you did you'll be glad you did,you'll be sad if you didn't.Choosing to disagree with compromisers - the best of life is in sacrifices with a choice for life.If you think people didn't sacrifice for you..think again-Trust is one ! here is my two cents-if you are not ready for sacrifices don't get married-with a compromise you won't go far ! You are actually starting off with a backup plan for divorce before you even start.Anywhere with anyone !even your job you are on it so far because you are entrusted with it not that you would compromise it-with that perspective you wouldn't have lasted !
ReplyDeleteI'm not really sure what your point is but thank you for your comment.
DeleteThe fact that you can so eloquently put into words what you are feelings says to me that you really do know how you feel.....your head and your gut are rarely wrong....its your heart that leads you astray. Follow your instincts. Best wishes for whatever you decide.
ReplyDeleteThank you! :)
Deleteyou are more american than kuwaiti(this is my view)
ReplyDeleteare you ready to be more kuwaiti than american?(ask yourself this question)
he is expecting you to give up everything because he has seen this around him in mixed marriages,the girl is supposed to give MORE sacrifices in eastern culture....look around try to evaluate the lives of ladies who got in to mixed marriages and are still living with their husbands....they fell in love,was love enough for them to hold up their relation for the rest of their life?are you at that point in your love life that you are going to give up things for the rest of your life and say to your self "because i love him because i love him"
You are right Queen. I am not prepared to give it up at this stage in my life. Probably never will. It's very unfair how many (not all) of the expat women are the ones who usually give up everything and sacrifice. Most of the time (not all) he even leaves them after they reach a certain age. Then because of the children they are stuck in Kuwait. When women are left after a certain age in the USA at least they have more freedom to rebuild their lives. And even have cocktails and listen to live music with their girlfriends. ;)
DeleteYou know the things that u fight about in a relationship, they will not go away when u get married, the will multiply and grow to the point where divorce will happen. Kuwaiti men are not spontaneous, they have a little old man living inside them, no matter how "open minded" he is, trying to change a kuwaiti man is close to impossible. When u marry a kuwaiti, u not only marry the man, you are marrying the religion, the family and all the kuwaiti traditions..if ur not willing to sacrifice( yes u have to sacrifice for the kuwaiti man lol) then u made the best decision
ReplyDeleteLOL @ the "little old man" living inside of them. hee hee
DeleteThanks for your comment and making me laugh. :D
You know what I think? I think you know what's best for you and you don't need anyone trying to lock you into something and smothering you when you have clearly and rationally let them know that you need that goddamn space.
ReplyDeleteI'm not passing judgment on anyone here because I don't know any specifics, but it sounds to me like you did yourself a ton of good by removing yourself from that relationship. If this man truly loves you (and I'm not saying he doesn't love you on a certain level) then he would do anything to make you happy. ANYTHING.
That includes finding some kind of compromise in which you could retain a part of your past life and your roots to your home, your family, and the things you believe in. He certainly would not threaten (even if only angrily) to ban you from the country when you've maturely decided upon something or asks you to give up your entire past existence while he just sits around hunky-dory without a care in the world.
If he refuses to play the compromise game too and finds his lifestyle too precious to altar for the woman he loves, then he should at least have the decency to back the hell off and give you the space you need.
I'm sorry but those are serious signs of an immature, selfish, and scary man.
Stick to your instincts, girl. This is your head and your heart telling you that there is something very wrong with this relationship and you are responsibly and wisely putting yourself first because this man, who should be doing that for you (in order to make you feel secure, isn't.
I say you do whatever you feel you need to do in order to stay strong. Even if that means taking a breather and leaving Kuwait for however long you want. Maybe you need to remind yourself of WHY you chose to leave him and to surround yourself with the things and people that matter to you and that you should never ever be forced to give up in the way that he's asking of you.
You honestly have all my love my dear!
Thank you sweetie! :* I feel much better after spoiling myself this holiday weekend. I joined my gf's and their bf's. My head is much clearer and I feel relaxed and pampered. :)
DeleteYou must tell him exactly how you feel so he knows exactly what you believe and what you want. Do not use your family as an excuse. This man is serious to marry you and deserves to know exactly what and who he wants to marry. If you do this, it should slow down him in his want to follow you, marry you and then have babies with you!
ReplyDeleteYou owe it to him and to yourself to come clean!
i agree. sorry, but you have been very selfish.
Deleteall the things he has done for you, and then you end the relationship with a lie?!
he deserves better.
Yes, I can be selfish and I'm certainly far from perfect. However, my family is a big part of the problem. They will not accept anyone for marriage unless we share the same religion. I did partially lie when I didn't tell him the entire truth about why I ended it. It was just too painful and I felt afraid to hurt him even more. This post is just the highlights of our breakup so before you judge me please keep that in mind.
DeleteAnonymous 8:03 AM ~ I am unable to effectively communicate with him right now. He just gets too upset and will not listen to me over the telephone without interrupting.
DeleteI hope to be able to tell him the entire truth one day (which he must already know in his heart) but for now it's impossible unless I write an email. I do not want to do it that way. :(
unless you are honest with him and come out with the truth, he will always have a ray of hope that you might end up together.
Deleteeven when he moves and thinks that he is over you, he will still think 'what if'. and thats why you should be honest with him and tell him 'i do not want to marry you, i do not want to change for you'. better for him to hate you then still have feelings for you. its not fair on him, and his future wife.
at the end of the day, and if he is as wonderful as you make it sound to be, it is your loss.
I'm guessing you're on "Team Hayati"? LOL
ReplyDeletedear Expat I'm really sorry to hear that...I think you did the right thing even thought its really hard but if you are not sure you can give up your life , family and friends for a man you love then you are just thinking right. how can you be happy without them? I really know how hard it is I hope you stay strong through this. and I also think you should tell him how you feel I'm sure he will understand and make his part of sacrifices if he really loves you. at the end its your decision to make dear.
ReplyDeleteThank you 'Her'. I appreciate your sincerity and constant support. I'm going to try to talk to him again. I just hope he will let me finish and really listen to what I have to say. xoxo :*
DeleteOK PEOPLE
ReplyDeletelet's pass the hat and throw in a KD or two to get the Expat in joint counselling with her hiautee
throws in a fiver and passes hat
LOVE WILL PREVAIL
and expat, kids here are raised muslim/christian no problem, he loves you (and he's rich) he's probably said sorry many times and his family has probably been beating him about about losing you
kiss, hug, hold hands and off to the therapist
THE BLOG WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How about I take that money and buy myself an airline ticket for shopping & cocktails in Dubai? ;P
DeleteUpcoming post on my Easter weekend getaway...
ReplyDeleteAs a Westerner married to a Kuwaiti, I'd like to say that we don't choose to 'give up' our lives. We make a new life with our husband when we marry, which is what marriage is all about. I chose to live in Kuwait permanently because we can have a better life here financially and we prefer to raise our children in this society. I guess I chose him over my family in the same way that I would had I married an American and moved to another State, we still see them, they visit us, my kids know their grandparents and are quite happy with their lives. Yes, there are some things I miss about home, but to me, home is where my husband is. We have 6 kids, 2 born in the States the rest born here, which, contrary to what you may believe, has good hospitals and is not much different than having them back home. When it came down to it, I couldn't see myself without him and we have been happily together now for 18 years. I was very young when I met him, as was he, we were only 20 and 21 but he knew he couldn't leave the States without me and I didn't want him too. Marriage is hard work, regardless if you're from the same country or not. When you decide to get married, you shouldn't have ANY doubts in your mind. We had our share of adjusting when we came back here and we still do from time to time. Intercultural marriage is harder than other marriages because you have so many extra obstacles, but we just work harder to strengthen it. If you can't agree on where to live, how to have your children, which religion they will be raised as or any of the basic foundations of marriage, then you have made the right decision. I believe you love him, but I'm thinking that it may not be enough to keep a marriage together. You have to be willing to sacrifice and compromise, both of you, in order to make it work.
ReplyDeleteSIX Kids?!?! WOW!!! ;D Congratulations and it's so nice to hear from you again. Thanks for your good advice and I'm always happy to read about happy intercultural marriages. :)
DeleteHmm, I will try to oublish my heartfelt response, that somehow didnt make it on here before...
ReplyDeleteAs a reader for a while, I know you have been through a hard time with your ex and I wish you a bright and happy future.
However, I have to say that I am very sorry for your ex. It seems he was a very generous guy, who was open with his family about you, and also upfront with you about his negotiables and non-negotiables in your relationship. You know what Kuwait is about and what it would be like to live here full time. And, you knew all along what was to be expected in a life with him, yet suddenly you decided that he was too inflexible because he didnt want to move to the USA or have his kids be raised as non-muslims??! He told you that from Day 1, no? Guy probably felt like he wasted his time and stretched his wallet only to be dumped when the fun was over for you.
Perhaps it is for the best that you two are no longer together. It sounds like he needs a mature lady ready to make some sacrifices for love. If you arent up for that then it's good you followed your heart.
Im about to marry a Kuwaiti. And I am aware of a reputation some of us Western women have as only interested in playing, and unable to embrace the different culture and values which make up Kuwait.
I hope you find what you are looking for in life, back home in the US. And you ought to do the right thing and tell your ex the truth behind your reasons, as well as give him back the car. Dont be THAT girl; Im sure you are more classy than that.
I respect your opinion but I would like to remind you that I am not writing every detail about the relationship and breakup in this blog. It's only the highlights so please remember this when you read the posts.
DeleteHow do you know that I haven't given back the car, or tried to give it back or set it on fire? If I listed the large gifts he gave me on this blog the sports car would look small in comparison. I also frequently gave him expensive gifts out of love. He only likes the finer things in life and I work hard in Kuwait to be able to afford them. It’s the first time I’ve been independent of my parent’s money and completely on my own. None of the gifts were important because I was with him for love and it wouldn't have mattered if he was rich or a starving artist.
If I only used him for fun and gifts then I would be on to the next guy and not so upset about it. I can’t even imagine seeing any other man.
Several times since our split I would decide I just had to run back to him no matter what the cost is for me or my family. I really don’t know how I’m going to make it in life without him. I’ve been thinking of asking him to meet me for coffee so we can really talk but I’m not sure he will even want to listen to what I have to say now. He just wants me back and says that he will forgive me.
You know you are going to get comments like the one from 'oublish' above so be glad that you didn't go forth with this relationship and have to spend the rest of your life associating with these horrible women married to Kuwaitis - they are highly competitive, rude, abrasive and shameful representatives to their home countries. Her condescending attitude is typical, so it is not even worth addressing BECAUSE I want to address the food pictured above. You really ate this food? It's disgusting! Look at the salad, it's all wilted. After seeing these pictures I doubt I would ever eat at this hotel, I think you should have gone to the Hilton in Dubai and ate some better food. Next time!
DeleteLots of typos - Typing comments from phone and I am not lovin' it! :(
DeleteAnonymous ~ I deleted my comment to you by accident (Oops) while correcting a typo so here I go again...
Delete#1 - Not all Western women married to Kuwaitis are the same. Most of the ones that I run into at the salon or through work are not married to wealthy Kuwaiti's. They actually work and support their families.
#2 - Blame my photography and not the Hilton's food. It's actually great and their filets are as good as Gaucho's Grill. I've never stayed at the Hilton in Dubai because I prefer the other J resorts.
Tried to edit comment for typo and deleted.....damn phone! :( lol
ReplyDeleteHe sounds rather controlling, if he threatened to "ban" you from leaving.
ReplyDeleteGet out while you still can.
I think he was just expressing his pain at the time. He was devastated when I broke it off as was I. :(
DeleteHi. Just read your blog and needed to share something with you. Stick to your gut!
ReplyDeleteI'm an American, married in Q8, against my will, almost 17 years ago while visiting from a college break. How's that possible, you ask?
He invited me to visit and refused to let me leave...proposed without ring, I declined, and three days later we were lying in front of a judge in Arabic...on several different levels.
Tomorrow, we are divorcing FINALLY! I've left more than 5 times...divorced once before, and he announced 2 me that he returned me to himself prior to my airplane landing down in the USA.
I'm writing a book...
Of course, now, there's children involved. They, too, however, want the divorce. It's a sad situation.
Please stick to what you're gut is telling you and differentiate b/t love and control. They are two parallels that do not cross.
Best of luck to you! Love your blog!! It's beautiful and informative and honest!! Thank you :)
Thank you for sharing your shocking story. It really shook me up! I'm guessing that 17 years ago Kuwait was really different. How on earth did he keep you here against your will? Did your family try to rescue you? I felt so bad for you and your children reading your comment. I pray that you are okay now and will have a happy life. Please let me know when you publish your story and how you are doing.
DeleteKuwait was different back then...No McDonald's, Marina, 360, Avenues, Sharqia; however, personality wise, it was not that different I'm guessing. From my understanding as a culture, Kuwait was happier with Americans in general because of the liberation from the Iraqi Occupation just four years prior 90'-91'...
ReplyDeleteMy family was unaware of it at the time, and, still, to this day, are oblivious to the dirty details of it all. They love my husband and would reject the actual truth since it's in far hindsight. They've seen him as an excellent provider and as far they're concerned: He's wonderful.
I was brought on a 1-way ticket and told that it was more feasible to purchase 2-one ways as opposed to a return ticket. At the time, it probably was as I remember doing checking from the states too. My only way home would have been to call my mom's family which couldn't have afforded to help me even if they wanted to (and they would have) and my father's family would have but would have held it against me for the next ten years straight! Every holiday meal would begin and end with the conversation of how fiscally irresponsible I was and how my sister never would do such a thing....blah, blah, blah...and at the age of 25, I distinctly remember thinking, that's just too much to swallow. The "when is she ever going to grow up?" lectures were just too much crow to swallow.
He kept me in a hotel (wasn't 5 star though honey) for several months. After 30 days I'd leave to Bahrain and get straight back on the plane and return as necessary to meet the requirements of my visitor's visa. Each month I'd think, this is the month I'll get to leave...NOT. It was the surroundings that frightened me here. Everything was turned on it's head and was completely opposite of all things familiar to me at the time. That's mainly why I didn't want to marry him.
Don't get me wrong, I always loved this man. We met in college and after he graduated, I didn't see anyone else. However, had it been up to me, we'd have waited to marry until I graduated, planned a proper wedding to include pictures, etc...and it would have been a happy occasion.
I am okay now, Thanks be to God..and when I remember the past, it is very upsetting but that's the reason for the journal. It helps to clarify the thoughts, emotions of the past.
We do love each other very much and I pray that we work things out permanently in spite of all that's happened. What I shared is just the tip of a very heavy iceberg, however, that being said, whatever doesn't kill you DOES make you stronger. The question is: How much stronger do we need to be? lol
My marriage hasn't been all bad either. We are financially happy and have seen the best sites in the world. My husband asks me every year, "Where do you want to travel this year?" He is referring to any place in the world and he's completely serious. I, unlike him, am not a fond traveler; but have seen it all and never would have done so on my own.
Life is all about give and take. Don't second guess yourself habibtee. Trust your gut and instincts about this guy. You're already ten steps ahead by the sounds of your speech at this stage. Don't lose that. It is a huge sacrifice and if you're lucky, his family, if you married, would continue to love you. God forbid you experience otherwise.
Leaving him is the single most difficult thing I've done in my life...My life is ssooo DAMN easy and when I go, it's gonna be ssoo DAMN hard, but hopefully worth it.
ReplyDeleteRight now, I just feel fear that's so deep that it's paralyzing my mind, and body. Frozen is the only emotion I feel...No real plans, other than, baby steps, day by day, until it actually occurs to me that it's really over.
Furniture, job, car...Sometimes, I just want to say, "Screw it!" Let him have the rest of my life too...He's had the best of it, so why not take the rest of it? After all, I have access to anything I want and need and haven't work in over 5 years (by choice)...so what am I even fighting for anymore? If money is freedom, then, I guess I'm free. If not directly, then, indirectly.
No is a word I never hear and honestly, it's kinda nice that way.
God help me, and if it's too late for me, help you and other's like you...
Good-Night...
Dear sweet anonymous ~ I can't wait to read your upcoming (get busy writing) book because your comments are confusing! ;) I am so curious about your entire story.
ReplyDeleteIf you leave him now can't you take half with you? I mean half the $$$? ;) I wish you the very best and I hope you have a good support system of friends and loved ones to surround yourself with.
I hope you will continue to read this blog and comment. xoxo