About a week ago I received an email from a very sweet Kuwaiti guy who has fallen in love with an American girl while studying in the USA. (I love receiving emails and this is one of my favorites.) He is madly in love with her but admitted he will have a huge problem 'introducing' all of this to his folks.
He asked me for advice on how to tackle this complicated situation with his family in Kuwait. I gave him my best advice but I was hoping to get even better from my readers. He has asked to remain anonymous so please help him the best you can by commenting below. Thank you and sweet dreams! :*
Photo credit: Bridal.net
Dear Kuwaiti dude,
ReplyDeleteIntroducing the girl to the family is not a problem.. i just hope that when you marry her you STICK WITH HER.
Same story over and over again .. we hear the news "MY SON/friend/brother/uncle WANTS TO MARRY AN AMERICAN WOMAN!!" then the family cools down and accept the fact that they want their son/friend/brother/uncle to be happy .. a couple of years later (sometimes more) we hear that he divorced her and that he's too broke and heart broken to get married again ! Most of these guys never re-married .. yeah yeah you'll probably say now "not my gal ! she's an angel" :p
I dont want to burst your bubble but out of 5 Kuwaiti guy married to a non Kuwaiti girl marriage .. only one succeeds and it has NOTHING to do with the guy's family so don't worry about your family reaction just make sure that you're making the right choice.
And let's not forget the non-Kuwaiti women who are after getting a Kuwaiti nationality (sorry but someone has to bring this up) i have dozens of stories about that.
I'm just saying that there are bigger things to worry about and i hope that you want to be the right person.
First and foremost I must address Anonymous and their comment; the divorce rate between Kuwaitis and non-Kuwaitis is dramatically less than between Kuwaiti couples. In no way do I attribute this to the individuals involved in that marriage, but more the circumstances which led to it, ie. family involvement, expectations, not knowing who you're really marrying, etc. Then there's everything (financial) that comes along with it. And as for the Kuwaiti citizenship - are you serious? The benefits which come along with that are minimal at best. Furthermore, with children it takes a minimum of 5 years, and without at least 15. Of course this depends on paperwork actually being processed which can (and often does) take years longer.
ReplyDeleteMy advice to the Kuwaiti who is in love with the American; stand up for what you believe in. However, don't distance yourself from your family. Remind your mother of what a responsible, wonderful young man she raised. Explain to your family your decisions about the rest of your life should be something you have a strong say-so in. Have extensive conversations with your potential wife about your culture -- don't just behave all Westernized while in America, marry her, then bring her back here to realize she's married a man she doesn't even know. Share with her the reality, including the difficulties she might face with your family. If possible, allow her to communicate with your family now while being honest about your feelings, but presenting her as the respectable woman I'm sure she is. Ensure your family that 'different' cultures don't translate to an undesirable woman. And always show your mother the utmost respect while following your heart. Finally, if it's something your mother will not accept under any circumstances -- don't do it. If you're unable to respect your mother you'll never be able to respect a wife.
with all due respect, but I advise him against doing it.
ReplyDeletewithout going into details, since what I want to say is somewhat rated R, I dont think he should marry someone who comes from a culture that promotes promiscuity. You will tell me she is different, she comes from a down to earth, respectable, conservative family. maybe, but most likely not.
again, not trying to offend any body, but that's the way it is.
I would just say follow what your mind and heart tells you to.. and If I were you dude, I wouldn't ask this question... I would just do what I think it's a right thing without questioning... and if anyone tells you about the divorce rates and what will happen in the future... dude blow them away, we never know what will happen then, just pray and always pray to god and think deeper when is the right time to introduce her to your family, just think and think.
ReplyDeleteLove is a wonderful feeling.
@ 7amood, you cannot condemn and accuse the entire Western culture of promiscuity. That's just flat-out ignorance. Saying that all westerners are promiscuous is as awful as saying that all Muslims/Arabs are terrorists. In fact, I knew a westerner (American to be exact) in Kuwait who never drinks alcohol, even in the comfort of their own house, as a show of respect to the Kuwaiti culture. And she has never EVER been in any relationship because she was raised the classy way. Does her western background gives me the right to accuse her of being promisuous? Do you deny that some GCC women, Kuwaiti included, do not 'play the field'? How do you justify the sky-high percentages of divorce rate in the entire Gulf countries? We're no angels! I'm not defending anyone here. All I'm saying is, it is easy to judge people you don't know of. Yes! I agree with you that some foreigners hunt Kuwaitis for marriage for gold-digging reasons, but not all. Not everyone is after the Kuwaiti citizenship. Bottom line is, don't overgeneralize an entire population and don't forget, we have some rotten ones too. I know your heart is in the right place and you have every right to voice your opinions and concerns, but not at the expense of offending others.
ReplyDeleteQ80 snob.. what the hell are you on about?! I know you mean well but do not quote me on something I never said.
ReplyDeleteall i said is that 'she comes from a culture which promotes promiscuity'. I never generalized generalized and called all westerners promiscuous.
nor did i say all Kuwaitis are angels..
"I agree with you that some foreigners hunt Kuwaitis for marriage for gold-digging reasons, but not all".. when did i say anything about them being gold diggers?!
and @exaptandthecity and any americans reading this, I apologize if I offended you but I was merely stating a fact. I have been living here in the U.S. for 6 yrs so I am not talking out of my %$#!!
7amood, you are exactly right in saying our society promotes promiscuity -- via our media more than anything else. We seem to have no problem showing half naked women in prime-time television, teenage girls dressed semi-revealing, and women jumping from man to man. But please know, just because it's promoted doesn't mean it's the 'standard' behavior. Sex sells -- regardless of the country. Bootleg porn CDs are quite the popular item in Kuwait. Illegal yes, but still readily available.
ReplyDeleteAlso, seeing something on television doesn't decrease our values. If anything, it often shows us what we don't want to be. And though the 'typical' American family does allow quite a bit of freedom of choice when raising our children, we also instill strong values and morals. Watching a woman sleep around on television doesn't mean we want to follow in her footsteps.
Finally, I'm an American married to a man from Kuwait. Our cultures are so very different, yet instead of pointing out the flaws in both, we embrace our differences and learn from them. His family accepts me as a daughter, sister, aunt, and cousin. They make me feel warm and welcome. And there are truly no words to describe the love, respect, and appreciation I have for them.
well put 'americangirl'. I am glad it worked out for you, and I wish you the best of luck in the world for you and your family.
ReplyDelete@ 7amood, "I don't think he should marry someone who comes from a culture that promotes promiscuity", "she comes from a down to earth, respectable, conservative family. Maybe, but most likely not" and "I was merely stating a fact". Enough said!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your comments. :-)
ReplyDeleteHe emailed me again and wanted me to thank everyone. I want to thank y'all as well. :)