March 20, 2011

Middle Eastern Fathers ~ It's Never Too Late To Do The Right Thing Until It's Too Late

We all know that Western Fathers are far from perfect and do not always do the right thing for their children. This post is not about them so please know I am not saying one country is better or worse than the other. This post is about Middle Eastern men who studied, worked or traveled abroad and had a relationship with a foreign woman that led to having a child.

When I first wrote this post Half and Half ~ When Your Dad is Kuwaiti and Your Mom is Not I began to receive a few emails from young adults who had Middle Eastern Fathers that abandoned them. They didn't want to comment on the post but they decided to write me their life story. These emails were heartbreaking to say the least and now I am still receiving them. This post is for the children and their Fathers.

I know this subject doesn't have anything to do with me since my Father is American and he is always there for me. Even when I do something wrong he has my back. I might get in trouble or fussed at but I can always turn to him for help and guidance. Before I went to University I was even put on restriction for breaking his rules but he did it out of love and I see that now. The fact is that life is complicated enough but not having a supportive Father due to abandonment is unimaginable.  I felt compelled to write this post after receiving so many emails on this important subject.

Fathers, the children you have left behind need your recognition and love. It's not just about your financial obligation it's about your duty as a Father. You may have made a mistake when you were young but your child is innocent and shouldn't be punished for your actions. The consequences in this culture for having a child out of wedlock are astronomical. It would bring shame on the entire family or worse. I understand this dilemma but the truth is that you can't change the fact that you now have a child.  Your family here might not know about your situation but God knows.

The point of my post is that it's never too late to do the right thing until it's too late. That means that all of us will die one day and meet our maker. When you stand before God what will he say about the child you abandoned? If you can't tell your family here that you have a child abroad you can at least stay in contact with your child. If you are not sure how to reach your child then you can hire an attorney in that country via the Internet to locate them.  Talk to them and let them know about your culture and why you did what you did.  They deserve an explanation so they do not blame themselves.  You can even email, call or visit them and try to rebuild some type of relationship.  It’s never too late while you are still on this earth to show them that you love them.

I dedicate this post to the children of Middle Eastern Fathers that wrote me and shared their story. Please be assured that you have done nothing wrong.  Do not let your Father's cowardly actions define who you are or will become.  I pray that you will find happiness with your Father one day and peace in your heart.


18 comments:

  1. I have a friend in Oregon who had a baby by a friend of mine from Kuwait. He now has a grand-child who he knows nothing about. What a SHAME that he is never going to know them.

    She went to court and named him as the father through a DNA test. He fled. Not only did this put a black mark on the name of his family, but also a black mark on the name of Kuwait, as it happened in a small community and people remembered "that Kuwaiti guy" for years (still do).

    This guy fasts during Ramadan and prays 5 times a day. Come judgement day, will any of that matter?

    Sorry to put it in such a vulgar manner, but sometimes having sex is just like going to the bathroom to these guys of no conscience. It is something they do without thinking of the consequences or having an iota of concern when a child is born. It has nothing to do with humanity or religion or moral values; it is all about relieving themselves and moving on.

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  2. There was a story about a man from Kuwait years ago when people travelled by dhow.

    He traded somewhere in India where he met a beautiful girl and married her. He left.

    Two decades later, he returned to the same area and met another beautiful girl. He wanted to marry her, but first had to meet her family.

    When he met the girl's mother, it was his former wife. The girl he intended to marry was his daughter.

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  3. Desert Girl ~ what an incredible story. When I went to Morocco on vacation many people asked me where I was from. I told them the US but that I lived in Kuwait. I heard several similar stories.

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  4. Expat please share those stories!

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  5. Loner ~ you know I would NEVER share their private emails and betray their trust. Never ever! :/

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  6. Such a caring soul you are. You know, if at least one father decides to rekindle with his long lost son/daughter after reading this post, then your mission is accomplished, Expat. :D

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  7. Expat ~ :S :s :S :S :s :S wth !

    did i say email/name ? u need a break to retain some sanity baby :P i said stories like anonymously :)

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  8. Hey Dr. Mo Mo ~ thank you :) I wish them the very best.

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  9. Loner ~ :P My lips are sealed. Besides, insanity is part of my Southern charm. ;)

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  10. What about those US military and contractors, who engage in a relation with Philippinos, and leave them stranded here, where some of them had their babies from them.

    Isn't that a pass-by relation? Reliving all their sexual needs and then fleeing!

    There is this guy who went to court, just to take custody of his daughter. We all do remember the incident that took place last year. Right!

    What about the lady that committed suicide, because her boyfriend left her pregnant! And many more incidents happened here in Kuwait; not to mention other countries. Need to say more!

    Gaz. Jr.

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  11. Gaz ~ In the beginning of this post I mentioned:

    We all know that Western Fathers are far from perfect and do not always do the right thing for their children. This post is not about them so please know I am not saying one country is better or worse than the other. This post is about Middle Eastern men who studied, worked or traveled abroad and had a relationship with a foreign woman that led to having a child.

    This post refers to the emails I received from children of Middle Eastern Fathers. You have a valid point but that material would be better suited for another post. I have never received any emails about this scenario but if I do I promise to post about it as well. :)

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  12. Expat and the city, I totally agree with what you shared. Its so important for every child to be loved and recognized by its father. Children look up to parents for reassurance and continued love and support. Sometimes a father is oblivious to the existence and needs of his child. He just doesnot realize his child is a human being worthy of his love and attention and how that can shape the child's life not just in the growing years but affects his life as an adult too. A lot of people carry their inconsolable hurt and pain into their adult life because of the neglect they faced by their father that prevents them from living a happy and fufilling life.

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  13. Hi E&TC I like this post. True, some but not all middle eastern men should take responsibility for their shameful actions. Dont abandon your child. Connect with your child.

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  14. Kuweight64 ~ Thank you for your nice comment. :D

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  15. A very heart felt post. I don't understand how fathers could just "forget" about their children and wake up every morning. So sad.

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  16. I don't understand it either. I would think that the guilt would eat you up inside. :(

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