Why me? Lately I've been pretty lucky without a lot of run-ins with Mr. Billy Bob. Last weekend I went to the pool during the late afternoon and jumped in for a swim. After a few laps I looked up and had the privilege of seeing Billy Bob walk out to the pool in his swim shorts. *Screams* Let me paint this picture for you...
Billy Bob looks like he is 9 months pregnant with twins. His legs have never seen the sun so they were so pasty white that they literally blinded me. He was sporting a rather lovely redneck tan. The kind of tan where it looks like he is wearing a white t-shirt but he's not. After his posse of Filipino girls popped open a bottle of near beer for him he asked one of them to rub in his suntan lotion. (I wish I was making this up for a funny post but trust me I'm not.) The girls were giggling nonstop while one rubbed in the lotion and that included his big ass belly. They made an irritating noise that even swimming under the water couldn't mute out. As soon as I came up for air he said, "Hello darlyn" and I answered a quick hello back while I tried not to roll my eyes. He mentioned he was looking for me all week but couldn't find me. (That's because I hide from you.) Again with the girls and their high pitched giggles. As I kept swimming my laps I pondered the question..."How is Mrs. Billy Bob doing?" She's probably relieved that she doesn't have to be within two thousand miles of him and gladly just collects his paycheck.
Still, I kept on swimming until he belly flopped in the deepest end of the pool which left a little less water to swim in. He swam closer and closer to me and I starting wishing he was a great white shark instead of a giant, floating redneck.
He started talking about a barbeque and how I was invited. (Little k ~ you are too ;P) That was very nice of him and I tried not to be such a snob. Besides, I did grow up in the South so it’s not like I haven’t seen a few million Billy Bob’s in my life. As I held a brief conversation with him and his posse I kept thinking how much I miss having my own pool back home in the US. Nothing beats privacy when you want to swim and clear your head. All of a sudden there are air bubbles floating up from Billy Bob’s swim pants. OMG!!! Disgusting! I jumped out, grabbed my stuff, practically ran and dried off near the elevator. Lucky me! Yeee haaaaw…!
All images from google