May 8, 2010

You Know He's an American Guy in Kuwait When...

He's lived in Kuwait for two years and thinks hummus is a terrorist organization.


His favorite restaurants in Kuwait are the same ones he dines at back home...Applebee’s, Ruby Tuesday, Carino's, TGI Fridays, Pf Changs, McDonalds, Burger King, Pizza Hut, Johnny Rockets, etc. snorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrBORING!


His wife in the States has put him on a Kuwait FALA allowance of 144 KD a month yet he still manages to afford a one stop girlfriend that does it all.... (maid, errand runner, cook, massage therapist, hair dresser, manicurists, sex slave).


His big vacation destination every six months is back home to his wife and kids in the US while his girlfriend in Kuwait gets a few late night, brief telephone calls.


His idea of a weekend getaway is Dubai and Bahrain where he thinks he's a "Rock Star" because the Eastern European and Asian hookers fight over him. He thinks it has nothing to do with his $$$ and that his big belly and receding hairline are what all women want. (Ooooh Big Belly Bald Man.)


He puts American girls down for dating Kuwaitis because he thinks it's not fair since he's not allowed to do so. He wishes he had a chance of dating a beautiful, Kuwaiti lady but the fear of getting his head chopped off by every male in her family keeps him from trying.


He's under the delusion that Asian women love older, married men and find him sexy. It's never occurred to him that he might be a meal ticket and a chance at a better life in the States. *** This of course is not true in every case but if you live in Kuwait you hardly ever see an American man without one. Most American girls don't want them, so please take them! Yuck! (I don't blame the Asian ladies; I might do the same thing if I was in your shoes. Except I would go for the dumb, young ones that you can easily train and they are easier on the eyes! Looool.)


His favorite place to shop is the Sultan Center and the Friday market where he always has his favorite accessory, a Filipino half his age. (You Go Grandpa!)


He hits on every new, American girl on the US Camps in hopes that she will pay her share while dating, become his "while in Kuwait only" girlfriend and give it up to him for free. (And it seems to work sometimes. WTH?)


His idea of a romantic date is visiting him at his apartment (CHEAP) where he orders fast food (CHEAP), puts in an illegal DVD (CHEAP) while he tries to get some booty (F NO!). (Almost every time I think I "might" go out with an American guy (in Q8) because he seems nice, he's cute and he's single "so he says", after a few telephone calls or sms I am like Hell No! ;P )


Dress up means jeans and a t-shirt with his favorite ball cap.



He spends all of his bonus money on gold and looks like a rapper from geriatric MTV.


He's too cheap to call you so he only sends sms messages.



*** This humorous, exaggerated list is based on what I hear at work, mostly from the American guys themselves. Not all American men are the same.  I'm just having a little fun and don't worry, I have a list that makes fun of us American girls right here:

 
 
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44 comments:

  1. Hey, u gals have an excellent sense of houmor. Keep it up.

    Care to share links on blogroll (I already took the liberty to add you on my blogroll.)

    Cheers,
    Q8Life
    http://q8life.wordpress.com

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  2. Thank you so much for the comments. :) I will add you soon to my blog pics. I'm about to leave now but will add you later. Thanks for adding me. :D

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  3. Nearly everything you criticized about Americans (which was somewhat humorous) applies to Western males in general. Western culture values promiscuity (again), which is a return to ancient Roman and Greek values.

    This should actually just be titled "You know he's a Westerner in Kuwait When..."
    (With dress being the exception. Americans employ relatively casual and minimalism dress).

    Anyway, regards from North Carolina.

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  4. Anonymous ~ Thank you for your comment. :) I can only post about what I see in Kuwait and they are mostly American. ;)

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  5. lol, is that why i get hit on by middle-aged westerners a lot around Mahboula? there goes my ego boost. now for a "you know youre an arab in the US when" post!

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    1. Sorry! LOL! As soon as they sit on the plane to Kuwait many think married at home but wife/hubby will never find out. So it's a free for all in Kuwait. I told my Mom I was very naive until moving here. I really had no idea that so many people cheat. And it's not just cheating, it's that they do it with anything and everything that moves. :(

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  6. Oh good grief, why did I NOT find your blog post before I came to Q8, lol?! I'll admit it, I fell for the okey-doke but never again. Thanks for telling the truth!

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    1. Thanks for being honest. :) It really is the truth but most people are afraid to say it.

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  7. I think there really aren't all that many young Western read American civilian expats residing in Kuwait which may help explain your astute observations on the American male species of a certain vintage only. Younger Americans with young families back home will not risk it as there is every risk of their wives and/or partners starting to pay them monitoring visits more oftener.

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    1. I would suggest lots of monitoring visits. If your guy / girl suddenly wants to move apartments before you show up that should raise a red flag. This often means they have something to hide and that their "while in Kuwait gf's or bf's" know where they live.

      I think the old guys get very lonely and there are too many desperate women willing and able to step in for some green card lovin'.

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  8. I have only been in Kuwait for a short time but maaaannn this is ALL pretty damn accurate. I never thought I would feel out of place for being Happily Married. These fat old dudes seriously think they are king shit on turd island out here, get a grip.

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    1. Hehe, that last part was too funny. That's lovely to hear you are happily married. I wish you both the very best.

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  9. ahahahahah there u go!!! true-ti-ful!!! fact-ful!

    honest to God i know a lot of girls that run after american asses for this green card shit!!! (pathetic)

    i know a lot of american "boys" who just uses this girl, for u know what!

    i know americans who are just using each other for u know what also. i think boredom makes them do this sh*t...lol

    oh gosh!am engaged with an arab man and he is my everything. before this i never thought of dating a westerner!!!lol sooo cheap for me...(sorry its just my opinion)

    wtg eatc!!!

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    1. Thanks doll! :*

      I'm very happy that you have found a good man. Best of luck to you both. :)

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  10. After reading this, I suddenly realize I have done this all wrong -- and I only have 4 months left to try and live up to this -- not sure I can make it. Maybe If I doubled up on 20 year old girlfriends I could make it.

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    1. Clearly you have a lot of catching up to do in 4 months! You better get you two twenty year old girlfriends for some massage and me love you long time. Hehe! ;P

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    2. Good thing I am not effected by peer pressure. Went to a party the other night and I was the only guy there with arm candy. I was also probably the only guy there with morals and without an STD.

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    3. So little time, so much to do ---

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    4. I think you meant without arm candy. :P I know they have parties in my building every weekend full of Filipino ladies and mature American guys. All I hear is how they slide their feet outside my door and laugh (hee hee, singing, etc.). It's so annoying I don't know how they can stand it. I would pay them to just keep quite.

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    5. Why are you leaving in 4 months? Are you moving back to the USA or traveling by bike around the world some more?

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    6. I have nothing against Filipinos, I know many I like very well -- but this is a game played by a few and I think it is little much. I know who I am so I don;t need a woman to try to tell me I am something else for my ego.

      Not sure about leaving yet -- may stay a bit longer (I have been asked to) or move on. Looking to see what fork appears in the road ahead. Need to see more green and mountains.

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    7. According to my Filipino friends it's way more than a few that play the game. I know they're poor but it's still wrong and sad. Unfortunately for my Filipino friends they are hit on by sleazy Western guys who think that they can have any Filipino they want because of the ones that do this. They tell me how it's common for local guys to just hold 5 KD out their car window because they think it's that easy to get them all.

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    8. Even if I was looking, I am just too selective I guess. I demand the woman have as much pride in herself as I have in myself. To me, nothing is sexier smart and confident -- and that doesn't mean know it all and bitchy.

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    9. I would like to think I'm smart and confident but I have to admit I can be rather bitchy and a know it all at least once a month. ;P

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    10. Great post and unfortunately relates to my current situation. My husband had been working there since 2010, comes home on his last R&R to tell me that he's in love with a 27 yr old OFW who has two kids to support in the Philippines. But they're in loooove and that she needs him more than I do and our 4 kids, youngest of which is 4 yrs old. And no she doesn't want to come to the US, she loves him for just how he is. Pleaase! He can't think beyond his smaller head. I lawyered up, of course, now he found out he won't have anything left to support her after what he has to pay me and kids. Haha, and he calls me unchristian for not helping. WTH. He will now need her to support him, we'll see how fast she'll get out of "love". He keeps all our debts too, and you know US law, his debts will be hers too.

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    11. That's OK I have a voucher program that allows for that; it is payback for that really wild candlelit evening. :)

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    12. @ Anonymous ~ First of all I have to write how sorry I am to hear this. It's really sad because your story is very common in Kuwait. Many (not all) of these poor women are willing and able to break up any family and home to get some cash for their usually many children back home and a green card. It's strange because most of these women that work in Kuwait as maids and hostesses are very unattractive with boy shaped bodies and muffin tops so it's surprising. It's mainly because they are the only ones that are desperate enough to date these guys.

      Email me (contact tab above) and I will tell you a little about Kuwaiti law and adultery. You can not only take him for every penny in the US but you can also have them both put in a Kuwaiti jail with travel bans, etc. If revenge is what you need for closure. I would just take all his money and enjoy my new life free of that ahole. Plus you can standby and wait for Karma to kick in.

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    13. Thanks. she has no morals as we're the second marriage she broke up. He knew she was involved with a married man prior and broke up when after two years his wife found out and after his divorce, didn't go back to her. She was so depressed over it that she contemplated suicide. And in comes my husband. Another lonely US citizen away from family who thought about having a life aside from the one he already had. All his friends are doing it so why not him. All the while he lies to me, when I call he's often busy and have no time to deal with my issues with kids and loneliness. What an ass, he was having a time of his life. For her, she finally found one that seems to stick. Their soul mates, pleaase. She has the nerve to text me and be insulted when I called her a whore. As far as I am concern, anyone who sleeps with a married man is at the very least a whore.
      You're right I will enjoy my new life free of him. Good riddance to bad rubbish indeed. If you attend happy hour, you probably have seen them.

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    14. Many of them (not all) date tons of the lonely Western guys at one time until they find that one that will be stupid enough to leave his family and kids for her scam. Too many guys become Dads in their middle or ancient age after one or two dates. What many do not realize is that these ladies do not even know which one they're dating is the Father so they tell them all. They're lucky if one actually marries them and it's usually just the Kuwait marriage so the guy doesn't get thrown in jail and left without a job.

      Many guys (not all) go crazy over here and it's like they have never had P in their life. They go with skanky hookers that have HIV / AIDS or sleep with girls that are passed around at parties. American girls that are a 1 out of a 10 in America are 10's in Kuwait and have tons of guys chasing them. It's like the world has flipped or something. Now you see why I avoid all of this and never date them.

      I know it will take time for you to get over the deception. Please do not think it's you because what happened to you is a daily occurrence in Kuwait. He sounds like a real jerk so you are going to be much better without him.

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  11. I just moved here as a corporate airline pilot, So where does one meet americans at? Been here 1 week.

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    1. If you want to know where all the wild parties are with hot Western girls then please email me above (contact tab).

      JUST KIDDING! Guys, don't start emailing us!

      Seriously, send me an email Mr. Pilot and I will direct you to the Kasbah...

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  12. I am not justifying or condoning anyone's behavior. They are adults. But I can say that I understand lonliness and when the voice on the phone is nothing but a PITA and even more depressing it is easy to look for solutions that are fast and easy. Every human behavior has a root cause and what a person does about it is what seperates mass murderers, animal abusers, and adulterers from most decent folks.

    I once read an advice column and a woman wrote in that she thoguht her boyfriend was cheating and she had been performing some sort of physical check on him daily to see if he had sex but after 4 months of this had found nothing -- oh she had been denying him for the 4 months so she could get an accurate "tell". The answer in the column was that if that if the only thing she was doing to him sexually for 4 months was to perform this check -- he needed to be finding pleasure somewhere else, because she was a psycho. There is some truth there too.

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    1. You have a good point and I also want to mention that tons of Western women come here and cheat as well. I would never ever ever agree to my husband coming to Kuwait without me. (If I was married.) No matter how much they work they still have too much time to get into trouble with desperate, poor expat women that work here in the thousands.

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    2. In the end it is a question of holes. All people have holes in them – and we use other people or things or experiences to fill those holes. If all your holes are full, there is no room for fooling around or things like that. If you are in a relationship that leaves you with holes, you might feel a need to fill it with some temporary passing pleasure. Sometimes even though there are holes, we have made deals with ourselves that the other person fills some holes so well you will ignore the empty ones. Whether you choose to look for outside “filling” depends on if you have holes in your ethics.

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    3. I think it's a question of hos and not holes. ;p Unless you mean the holes they are trying to fill is lady holes.

      It's late and I'm sleepy which means silly. Goodnight Traveler. :)

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    4. I have wisdom, but there are reasons I am not on Oprah and Dr. Phil.

      "Next Oprah -- Holes and how they effect women"

      "That man needs to stop looking for holes to fill and needs to look at his internal psychological holes." said Dr. Phil in a thick Southern drawl.


      Goodnight pretty lady.

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    5. Hehee! I hope you have a fabulous weekend filled with fireworks and Cinnabons. :)

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    6. Think I may go try the Kuwait Home display at Avenues -- I got the app for that.

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  13. This was really funny.

    You have a great blog by the way. I'm on to read the one about the females... see if it's accurate lol

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    1. Hi Robert. Thank you! :)) Let me know what you think of the American Girl post.

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  14. Im a filipina snd married to US citizen. He's working in Kuwait when we dtsrted talking over net. He came to visit me here in Philippines after 6 months of chatting everyday. Before he went back in kuwait we got crazy and got married. Then he took me in kuwait with a residence visa. If this is thr case in kuwait? I mean you keep mentioning of asian girls aa a hookers, filipina girls at the parties, then why my husband chose to have a filipina wife and all his friends are married to filipina? I heard yhey like filipinas becausr the way they took care of her husband.its so sad to read all the comments and the post. Asian girls might be the hookers,yes,but they are victims,of an old us citizen with money on his pocket taking advantage of this poor girls.
    Oh and by the way, my hubby is 31 years old when we hot married and im 35. Snd his not bald with big tummy with lots of money,actually he dont have money because he is still paying for thedebts. So please stop telling stories you assumed you reallyknow. Every oerson in kuwait has a story, we should not judge them.

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    1. This is a humorous post about American men in Kuwait. There's also one on American women in Kuwait. What's written is true in many cases here. I've witnessed it firsthand living here over 4 years.

      Most American men come here and are far from their families. They need someone to take care of them that doesn't cost a lot. They're here to save money so if they can date someone who cooks, cleans, etc. for them then it makes their time here much better. The women that are in large numbers and available to them are mostly Filipino. There's nothing wrong with it and I say to each their own.

      In the post it states: "This of course is not true in every case but if you live in Kuwait you hardly ever see an American man without one. Most American girls don't want them, so please take them! Yuck! (I don't blame the Asian ladies; I might do the same thing if I was in your shoes."

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  15. Hi! Been reading (aka lurking :D) through your blog eversince i got here 3 years ago. Love the honesty, wit, humor and useful info your blog offers. Now I couldn't believe I would be commenting on this post written 4 years ago but I just happened to be a victim of racism and bullying by an american who just happens to fit your descriptions here...old bald beer belly guy. It was an early morning incident inside a cramped bakala and I think he's having his biggest and most debilitating male menopause syndrome. A true foul mouthed primadonna. Nothing came out from his filthy mouth but me being a piece of sh*t and murmuring "these f*cking people" on the side just because he couldn't maneouvre his big fat blob of whiny ass inside the bakala and accusing me of getting in his way towards the cashier. I just hope this man isn't employed in the nearby university cause that would be a disgrace. I chose to keep my mouth shut because I can't argue with a racist lunatic who feels unloved and unappreciated (like most aholes feel)

    My apologies for the random rant and ventilation just needed to get it out of my chest. Hope this isn't bad for a first comment.

    Bless you dear, have a lovely day ahead. ;)

    Lai.

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    1. Hi Lai! Hahaha! Thank you for lurking...<3 You are more than welcome to vent here anytime and thank you for reading the blog. :)

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